CITAS FAVORITAS

"...una nación bajo Dios, indivisible, con libertad y justicia para todos." (CONSTITUCIÓN DE LOS EE.UU)

Se puede engañar a algunos todo el tiempo y a todos algún tiempo, pero no se puede engañar a todos todo el tiempo.
(ABRAHAM LINCOLN)

¿Y tú, por qué los quieres tanto? —Porque vigilan el muro. Y dicen: "nadie va a haceros daño esta noche. No durante mi guardia" (AGUNOS HOMBRES BUENOS).
ALICANTE DESDE EL MACHO DEL CASTELL
EL MIRADOR DEL PONOIG

POLOP DESDE EL PONOIG

POLOP DESDE EL PONOIG

SEGUIDORES FIELES

CITA POLÍTICA CON ENJUNDIA

Las casualidades en política no existen. Y si se produce alguna, es que está cuidadosamente preparada.

Después de haberse zampado unos cubatas, la mujer se da la vuelta, mira al hombre fijamente a los ojos y le dice:

"Oye, quiero decirte algo, yo jodo a cualquiera, en cualquier momento y en cualquier lugar, su casa, la mía, en el coche...no me importa. Simplemente me encanta.

El tipo, con una sonrisa de oreja a oreja, responde,

"¿En serio?, ¡yo también soy político!...¿a qué partido perteneces tú?

SALVEMOS AL TIO PEPE

SALVEMOS AL TIO PEPE
SALVEMOS AL TÍO PEPE.

martes, 11 de diciembre de 2012

LA CASA DE "TÓCAME ROQUE".

El caso es que Roque, en este caso, no se llama Roque, en todo caso Roc.

Pero tampoco.

Ni tampoco que el perro de San Roque no tenga rabo, en referencia, no al fiel can que acompañaba a tan celebrado santo, sino a la cualidad de perro, vago impenitente en español, de cierto personaje, ¡como no!, catalán de Unió Democrática de Cataluña, ese partido formado por ilustres mangantes, de los cuales, el único al que se le conoce existencia material, aunque bastante fantasmal, es a ese calvo con gafas color rosa que, ora aporrea con satánico frenesí, preso de convulsiones epileptoides; ora pasea  con unas muletas por las manifestaciones independentistas, aunque él no lo sea en "Madrit", aunque sí en "Barselona".

Si a ello le unimos que nació en Huesca, ya tenemos conformado el esquema de un psicótico-esquizofrénico-paranoide, que de haber caído por la consulta de Don Sigmundo Freud, a buen seguro que el buen doctor hubiera acabado ingresado en el frenopático más próximo a su domicilio.

Pero este post no va de la Pantera Rosa más famosa, detrás de la que inmortalizaran Blake Edwards y Henry Mancini.

Esto va de un perro bípedo, que lo que no le falta es ganas de mover la cola allá donde no debe, y que le ha costado, de momento, el puesto donde vagueaba y de donde cobraba jugoso estipendio, costeado por el Estado Opresor.

Este cánido roquense humanoide, bastante deteriorado, seguramente por la ingesta de bebidas espirituosas y la compañía de señoras de mala nota (putero y borrachuzo, en roman paladíno), que responde al nombre de Jaume, Jaimito para los amigos, entre los que no se deben encontrar los que han contraído nupcias, o disfrutan de un noviazgo, era hasta hace poco el Presidente de la Diputación (institución con un nombre que le viene al pelo) de Gerona.

Pues resulta que hasta hace unos días, este sátiro con pezuñitas bien calzadas, no destacaba en la esfera política nacional por nada más que ser uno más de la larga lista de parásitos que cobran la nómina después de estrujar nuestras "asauras", que no es poco, ni son pocos.

Pero mira por donde, el otro día cogió un pedal del trece, y no se le ocurre otra cosa que meterle mano por debajo de la mesa "repetidamente", a su colaboradora, la buena de Mireia (lo de buena es tan solo una muestra de mi infinita benevolencia).

También lo de buena es un decir, mal dicho por cierto, porque hay que ir más cocido que un langostino Pescanova, para meterle mano a semejante callo malayo.

No es que se justifique cualquier tocamiento por el hecho de que la señora esté de buen ver y mejor palpar, que diría esa bestia parda de las letras hispánicas, buen escritor, pero más animal que los que aparejan, y con un carácter que todavía andan Dios y el demonio peleándose para ver quién se lo queda.

Lo cierto es que el Jaimito, se ha disculpado diciendo que no se acuerda de nada, así de monumental debía de ser el petorro que se me cogió el "presi".

O eso, o que cuando vio a lo que le había estado tocándole el potorro, una vez que la metabolización del alcohol le permitió ser consciente de la perversión sexual que había perpetrado, o simplemente ser consciente y punto, hizo una amnesia protectora para evitar enloquecer.

Tampoco es descabellado que, cuando conoció el precio que por su silencio reclamaba la suripanta, espantado por su mal gusto y por el precio, que hasta para una militante de Unió, resulta algo excesivo, dado que las cosas se están poniendo dificilillas para expoliar cantidad semejante de cualquier organismo público para satisfacer el precio del tocamiento púbico; decidió borrar semejante experiencia de su mente y archivarla como una alucinación provocada por los vapores etílicos.

Porque 50.000 euros por tocarle la pepitilla a semejante esperpento, manda huevos.

Claro que ya se sabe que algunas mujeres tienden a sobrevalorar sus encantos, y en este caso, más que una sobrevaloración, es una exageración del tamaño del Himalaya, con Yeti incluido.

Yo creo, que a este elemento pernicioso, uno más entre la fauna nacional, por lo que habría que condenarle, no es por tocarle la parrusa a la colaboradora, que estoy por decir que no debió disgustarle (aunque me llamen machista), sino que habría que encerrarle en un psiquiátrico penitenciario, porque tras semejante experiencia, este depravado se toma dos viagras y ¡que tiemblen hasta los ornitorrincos del zoo!.

A fuer de ser sincero, tampoco es que el presidente pueda ser comparado con Clooney, en todo caso con algún pretendiente de la mona chita.

Me viene a la memoria una anécdota que se le atribuye, como tantas otras a Oscar Wilde, entre otros, y que aunque conocida, no deja de ser deliciosa.

Cuentan que el borde de D. Oscar se encontraba en una cena y en un momento de la cena, preguntó a la señora que se encontraba sentada a su lado: señora ¿usted se acostaría conmigo por un millón de dólares?.

La pava, ruborizándose, pero con unas pupilas por las que se podía ver a su través la codicia y lubricia que su alma atesoraba, le contestó: ¡por supuesto!.

La siguiente pregunta se tornó evidente, aunque la putilla, poseída por la posibilidad de trincar tan jugosa soldada por separar un palmo sus muslámenes y/o sus poderosas nalgas por un ratito, no vislumbró.

¿Y por un dólar?.

¿Por quién me ha tomado, caballero?, espetó indignada la falsa dama, rabiosa por la posibilidad de perder la anterior jugosa recompensa y solo por calentar durante un rato el torpedo amatorio de tan ilustre, aunque golfo partenaire.

Señora, lo que usted es ya lo sabemos, ahora, de lo que se trata es de saber el precio.

¿Se parece a lo de antes. o me lo imagino?.

Y ahora un chiste que oí una vez y que me gustó a rabiar, aunque seguro que a alguno no le gustará, y es que siesos y suspicaces no faltan  nunca.

Resulta que una vez se encontraron a cenar un judío y un catalán.

Después de degustar los más sabrosos manjares; de disfrutar de generosos y aromáticos caldos, y de fumar unos vegueros que hubieran hecho palidecer de envidia al mismísimo Fidel, llegó la hora de abonar la "dolorosa".

El silencio se podía oir desde kilómetros.

El ambiente solo se hubiera podido cortar con una motosierra de las de la matanza de Texas.

El uno ya había contabilizado hasta la última gota del gotelé del techo, mientras que el otro había hecho lo propio con las manchitas del terrazo del suelo.

Y de repente se escucha la voz de uno de ellos que, rompiendo este mágico, aunque ciertamente tenso y prolongado interludio, exclama: ¡camarero, la cuenta!.

Al día siguiente, en la prensa local, se pudo leer en primera página, y con grandes caracteres tipográficos, la siguiente noticia: 

CATALÁN ENFURECIDO ASESINA A JUDÍO VENTRÍLOCUO.


Y ahora las fotos de los protagonistas:

"EL TOCAFIGAS"

LA MISTERIOSAMENTE TOCADA.

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